Sometimes, having an accent can cause as much incomprehension as speaking another language altogether. In 1997, my grandfather married a woman from the States. One of the first times she came over to visit us in England, my brother was about four. When she said something to him, he stared up at her and said, ‘you don’t speak English, do you?’ This is an extreme example, as well as an amusing anecdote, but from the way certain Americans respond to the way I talk, you would think I was speaking another language to them.
In restaurants, you have to give your name if you order takeout, so they can call you when it’s ready. My name has only once been spelled correctly on my receipt. Most often I get called Alex, which I guess is understandable. Once it said ‘Alexx’, which is just bizarre, and I’ve even had ‘Allis’ which is not a name (I even checked online to make sure). That guy definitely had not read his Lewis Carroll. I met a man yesterday, a friend of my godfather’s, and every time he spoke to me, he confirmed my name, ‘Alice, right?’ as if he was unsure he’d understood me the first five times.
Speaking of takeout, I would never normally adopt such an Americanism in so short an amount of time, but it was deemed necessary after I have been completely misunderstood using any other way to describe it to a server. I recently called a restaurant to order some food which we were going to pick up on our way to someone’s house. The girl on the phone asked if we wanted delivery, and I said, ‘No thanks, it’s for a collection’.
‘A what?!’ she asked.
‘A collection,’ I replied, thinking she hadn’t heard me.
‘Umm, what’s that?’ By this stage I am amused/bemused.
‘Collection. As in, we will collect it.’
She put me on hold.
When she came back on the line, she asked me if we wanted delivery or takeout. I briefly considered saying collection again, but resigned to not harassing the poor girl any longer, and replied, ‘takeout’. She then asked my name. And got it wrong.
Another word which cannot seem to be understood is water. Yes, I do have an English accent, but I would still like to think that when I speak our shared language, you’d overcome the pronunciation and just get what I’m saying. I have to pronounce water with a ‘d’, as in ‘wah-der’, because pronouncing it with a ‘t’ in the middle is apparently just too perplexing!
Those who have an iPhone 4S will most likely know of the wonder that is Siri. If you haven’t heard of her, let me briefly explain: if you have the latest iPhone, you can talk to it, and ‘Siri’ will do as commanded. For example, press the button and say, ‘Siri, send Mum a text saying “Let’s skype later”’ and she will text my mum saying just that. Sounds wonderful, right? Absolutely, BUT only if you have the right accent. When I first got the phone, I asked Siri, ‘what is the best phone?’ because she is known to respond with answers such as, ‘I think you’ve already answered that question’, and ‘wait… there are other phones?!’ Well, when I asked her, she thought I said what’s the best fay, then what’s the best five, then what's the best face. I am not sure whether it is because my iPhone was bought in America, and therefore Siri has a different ‘accent chip’ than when you buy an iPhone in England, but the goddamn woman does not understand me!
In conclusion, being a Brit in America can sometimes be a trial. You'd think that since we speak the same language, being understood would not be much to ask. I guess that's what they mean by culture shock!
Slightly off the topic but here is a link to some funny mistranslations on foreign signs. Very entertaining!
My favourites include:
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. Sounds delicious.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. Too funny!
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American. Sounds about right.
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