Ignorance is bliss

There is a fine line between amusement and bemusement, but I have come to find that loads of Americans have led me to cross it without much difficulty. I am referring to the many, many times that people here have asked me about the world outside their Yankee periphery, and have made such astounding comments that I have to check if they are being serious or not. Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, the comment or question is genuine, rather than satirical.

Side note: In case anyone reading this is American, to call someone a ‘Yankee’ has nothing to do with the North – a Yank to anyone outside of the US means simply ‘an American’ – kind of in the same way that Mexicans and other Central Americans call anyone who is white a gringo whether they are from the US or not. When I was in Guatemala, all the locals would call me gringa as though it was my name, and I would point out that I was in fact Ingles – this made no difference to them, I was still a little white gringa, and you Americans are all Yanks as far as we are concerned! I realize this is a little ironic as the point of this post is about people being ignorant of other cultures but it’s my blog, so artistic license bends in my favour. Ha.

Anyway, I am asked on a fairly regular basis, questions about the UK, Britain, Great Britain, and England (which no-one seems to be able to quite identify or understand the differences between) and about how life differs over there in comparison to America. Here are some examples of questions I have genuinely been asked, or that have been asked of one of my friends, while in America.

·         What language do you speak in England?

·         Do y’all speak French over there?

·         Do you speak British or English?

·         Are you from British? (Really?!)

·         How long does it take to cross the water from Britain into Scotland?

·         Is Wales a city?

·         You’re from London? Oh, do you know my wife’s/nephew’s/uncle’s family in Manchester – the Joneses?

·         You’re from London? My roommate’s from London, an area called Yorkshire. (I told this man the difference between London and Yorkshire to which he replied, ‘well I meant England when I said London, it’s kind of the same thing right?’)

·         Do y’all have ice over there? (Frozen water? – yep, mastered that one. Clearly hadn’t been to visit us in the winter!)

·         (Asked of my German friend) Do you have TV in Germany? Is it in colour?

·         What clothes do you wear in England? (They thought we dressed like the characters from a Jane Austen film)

·         Are you Russian?! (Have genuinely been asked this on three separate occasions)

·         You don’t speak very good English do you? (That was to Josh)

·         Do you know the Queen?

·         Which state is London in?

·         You’re British? So that’s Canadian right?

·         You’re from the UK? The University of Kentucky? (I wish I was joking)
·         What do you do for light? (Asked of Ian - apparently electricity hasn't made it to Europe yet)

I could go on but I won’t because 1) I sound like a hater and 2) I can’t think of any more examples for now. I have been told on a few occasions how nice my teeth are for a British person (apparently we all have grey, rotten teeth according to American stereotype) to which I always sweetly reply, ‘thank you , I had braces and they were free thanks to the NHS’ which always starts another heated debate. Perhaps I could be accused of stirring slightly but hey, it’s fun!

There is some defence of why Americans do not know as much about the world outside these borders – the majority have never travelled outside them. That is not a dig either, I would say that a majority of Brits have been to more than just countries within the UK, but a considerable percentage would only have been as far as Europe, which is about the same size as the US. There is a huge range of climates and activities here – from snow-capped mountains for skiing, to dry dusty deserts for incredible natural landscapes, to tropical beaches to get your tan on – that it is so much easier and cheaper to take your holiday in the same country that you live in. Honestly, if England had beaches that were pretty much guaranteed gorgeous weather at any given point during the year, I would have happily lounged there all summer instead of wandering further afield in search of the UK’s very own missing link – by which I mean the sun.

I am now going to apologise to my American friends because I know that this may rile up a few people. I know I’m only fuelling the stereotypes of Americans that most of the world believes to be true, and if I’m honest, the majority of Americans that I know are very intelligent, well-travelled, knowledgeable about the outside world, and are not the ones who asked me these questions. But if ignorance is bliss, then it’s more than just Disneyworld that could count as ‘the happiest place on Earth’ :)

P.S. Sorry America, I love you really. I’ll lend you my encyclopedia Britannica.

“Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore”

We all recognize this line from The Wizard of Oz, after Dorothy gets blown away by the tornado into the wonderful world of Oz. Well after a similarly disastrous storm here in Dallas on Tuesday, I know I'm sure as hell not in England anymore.

Dallas, it seems, is slap-bang in the middle of tornado country, and right now, it’s twister season! Until this point, I’ve had many, many, Dallasites tell me just how crazy the weather gets here but when they spoke of hail stones the size of golf balls, and tornadoes blowing through the city, I thought these were perhaps occurrences that had happened in Dallas’ history, but not actually a regular annual thing. You know, like when the weather man tells us we're going to have an Indian summer in England – we laugh because we know it’s not true! Well that was my attitude towards storms and hail and tornadoes; I’m sure they could happen but it doesn’t mean they will.

Well Dallas, I’m very sorry for doubting you.

This should be an ad for safety glass - look at the size of those hail stone holes, and his windscreen didn't even shatter!

Yes, that is a lorry in the air there

I think one of these, aimed correctly, could kill you

It was strange as between 1 and 2pm, I'd been sitting outside eating lunch on a patio at a restaurant, and it was a little rainy, but we were oblivious! I heard a few sirens (imagine air raid/blitz type noises) but I'd heard them before, and dismissed it. Then we got back to the office and I see I've got texts from people in Albuquerque saying they'd seen the news and was I OK; everyone at work was standing at the windows looking out and talking about the tornadoes that had already hit certain areas, and I'd just been eating lunch on a patio! That's how sudden these things happen.It was madness. By 2.30pm, the sky was so dark it looked like night. My office is on the 7th floor, and as Dallas is so flat, you can normally see for miles, but the clouds had closed in so much we could barely see further than a block.

As the storm came in

Moments later, and the buildings have disappeared under the fog

The roads were flooded, it looked pretty apocalyptic out there, and for a while we thought we might be stuck at the office after hours (noooooo!) And then it was gone. Skies cleared up, no more rain, no more hail; the tornadoes blew away to bother other people (sorry about that guys) and life went on.

There are some really sad pictures of people's houses that have been destroyed. What's crazy is the aerial footage of the neighbourhoods that were hit shows some houses which have been destroyed and levelled to the ground, and the house next door is fully intact; perhaps the lawn ornaments have blown over, but they look pretty much untouched.

Today, apart from the pictures and tweets that are all over the internet, you would not know there had been a crazy storm yesterday. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the birds are singing in the few remaining trees... The area in the picture above, the dark one where the storm clouds were gathering, that's where I live. Today it looks like this:

It's like nothing happened