Rant

When I first started my new job here in Dallas, everyone I work with thought I was about 19. In fact, it took until perhaps my fifth week for someone to ask how old I was, and that was only because we went for Happy Hour after work and they wondered if I was old enough to legally drink! It turns out that I’m not even the youngest person in our company. But I get it, I look young.

However, it’s one thing to be ID’d wherever you go, but for people (doormen, bouncers, barmaids etc) to actually utter surprise out loud when I hand over my driver’s license is a bit much. ‘Oh wow, you are actually old enough to come in!’ Yes I am, so lower your eyebrows, step aside and point me towards the bar please. I went out for dinner and drinks for a friend’s birthday this summer in London, and of the ten or so people I was with, I was the only one stopped at the door and asked for ID (and then again at the bar, I might add).

People say, ‘you’ll appreciate that when you’re older’ which is really neither here nor there. I don’t like looking like a 17 year old now. I don’t care about what may happen when I’m 40 and get mistaken for 35. Right now I am nearly 23 and look like I’m young enough to still be in school. People mistake me for someone applying for university, not someone who’s been there, done that, got the t-shirt and, wait for it, the degree! When I worked in Hamleys over the summer, I was asked by so many people if I was working there to save up for uni that I was tempted to add ‘BA Hons’ to my name badge.

I’ve had a bit of trouble with my ID since being in the US. The first time was when I was in Albuquerque. I went for lunch with Josh and Gaby, another Brit we met out there, and ordered a Corona. The waiter asked for my (fake) ID which I’d had made to say 1988, instead of ’89, so I could pretend to be 21 and buy alcohol (the more I read over this blog, the more I sound like I have a drinking problem). So I handed over my license and he asked where the date of birth was. I pointed it out and said, ‘12^th May 1989…. ERR… No sorry, I mean 1988.’ He smiled and handed it back, no problem. Woohoo! What made it even funnier was that Josh handed over his real license, which said November ’87, and the guy took it away for his manger to verify for legitimacy! Hehehe.

When I went to Tennessee with my friend Emma, I was again using my fake ID. The doorman of the first bar we tried to get into took one look at my license and said, ‘You can’t come in. There’s no such thing as an international driving permit.’

‘Of course there is,’ I responded. ‘You’re holding one in your hand.’ (Lesson: cheekiness will get you nowhere)

He told me to step away from the door, and that he would not cause me any trouble as long as I didn’t try to get back into his bar. Feeling a bit worried that our adventurous weekend in Nashville was going to turn into a sober disaster, we tried the next bar. The man on the door took my ID and looked at it for a time. I’m standing there thinking, ‘ohmygod ohmygod, please don’t know it’s fake, please don’t turn me away,’ when he hands it back and says, ‘nice picture. Have a good night’ and lets us in. *HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF*

Last week, I ordered a beer (seriously mum, I promise I am not an alcoholic) and like always, was asked for ID. The waitress was confused by its foreignness and took it to her manager. I was then told it would not be accepted and that company policy was only to accept US government approved identification. I was a bit pissed off because 1) I’d been there before and not had a problem, and nowhere else had seen it as a problem before either; and 2) how ridiculous is that rule? What if I was on holiday, and wasn’t planning on getting a Texas driving license soon? What are foreigners who want a beer supposed to do? If that was the case everywhere in the country then America would have a lot less tourism, let me tell you. Anyway, I asked if next time I should bring my passport instead.

‘Yes, that would be fine’ she replied.

‘It’s a British passport’ I added.

‘Oh... No, that won’t be ok.’

Seriously?! A passport is a document, issued by a national government, which certifies, for the purpose of international travel, the identity and nationality of its holder. Passports are the most widely accepted form of identification anywhere in the world. It has been officially authorized by my government to recognize and accept me as a citizen of the UK, and some waitress in a wing bar is telling me it’s not good enough? No, this is not OK! I calmly told her that a passport allowed me to enter her country, and therefore has been approved by her precious government, so technically is US government certified.

Yeah, maybe I do look like a teenager. But I got my beer. Win.