Floating the River!

I just got back from an amazing weekend partaking in a very ‘Texas’ activity: floating the river! This essentially means getting in a tyre, on the river, and floating downstream for 8 hours, while drinking and soaking up the sun. Hard life, right?

It was such a fun weekend. The river Guadalupe - which, in typical American fashion, is pronounced 'Guadaloop', rather than the actual Spanish pronunciation 'Guadaloopay' - is apparently descended on every summer to be used as a public urinal while thousands of people laze their way along, sipping Coors Light and  listening to Willie Nelson.... It. Was. Awesome!

Lazy days

We headed down on Friday morning, driving about 4.5 hours to New Braunfels, which is in South Texas. Our home for the weekend was a cute little cabin up in the trees, it was awesome!

Treehouse!

Inside the treehouse

Tony and Beverly immediately rewarded themselves with a beer upon arrival

 The first night we just settled in, had a BBQ and played some beer pong. I won two games out of three!

Tony looking special

VICTORY!!!

 We sat out on the balcony for a bit until this ENORMOUS STICK INSECT landed near me. I only noticed it because I actually heard it fall, the thud was so loud that I thought it was a branch! I nearly wet my pants, the thing was about 7 inches long!! Needless to say I made myself scarce shortly after.

Why did Noah let two of every insect on that ark of his?! Bastard

 On Saturday morning, we got up and headed for the river. We each got a tube, plus a ring for each cooler, and clambered down into the water. The air temperature was probably close to 40°C but the river was freezing so it was an odd sensation being half too hot and half too cold. We soon settled in though, making friends with other floatees, and trying not to think about the fact that all these people around us are peeing in the water we're currently sitting in. Lovely.


We had been warned before we started floating that the river was low at some points, and we might have to get out and walk over the rocks as it was too low to float over. However, I was not prepared for how much walking we were going to have to do. My flip flops were useless and slippy, so had to navigate the rocks in bare feet. The rocks were a delightful combination of slimy and jagged, so you slip and slide all over the place, only to be forced onto a particularly painful rock. A couple of times I fell over, and then somehow ended up stuck underneath a tube, with someone still sitting in it. I have grazes all up my shin, my knuckles look like they've knocked the living daylights out of someone, and one of my wrists looks like I tried to damage myself. Battle scars!


We heard some hilarious red-neckery on the river too. Two guys got in a fight over a girlfriend who had apparently gatecrashed their boys weekend. They were throwing punches and getting really lairy, which was unfortunate as my tube had decided to float over towards them at this point, and I was desperately trying to discreetly paddle away so they wouldn't round on me. One of their friends, 'Randy' (I kid you not) was also concerned about their behaviour. Not so much for their well-being, however: "You two can kill each other anywhere else, but not on the river. No-one is dying on this river." We met an old woman who had clearly drunk enough alcohol to strip paint off a wall, searching for a lighter. (I personally think this was unwise as she looked highly flammable at this point). Quite a few people very intelligently identified that, judging by my accent, I was not from Texas. Well spotted Sherlock.

I know I keep repeating myself but it was really was so much fun, injuries and near death experiences by Randy's angry friends aside. We were out there for about 8 hours, but I managed to avoid major sunburn, which for my pasty-self is a massive result. The five hour journey home was less than enjoyable, mainly because I hate long car journeys and wish someone would hurry up and invent the teleporter already - it's the 21st century people, we should have flying cars and holiday homes on the moon by now!!

Treehouse sweet treehouse